


Andrew W. K. Destroys, Builds, and Destroys My Virginity

by Complete_Idiot



Category: Destroy Build Destroy
Genre: Business, F/M, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-07-08 07:14:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15925496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Complete_Idiot/pseuds/Complete_Idiot
Summary: Did you read the title, cuck?





	1. What a Weird Email

“A new season of Destroy Build Destroy is coming out?” I whispered under my breath as my eyes floated over an email from an unknown but seemingly reputable source. I sat back in my chair, squinting in confusion and rubbing my temples. I pushed my disbelief aside and moved back up to read the message to completion. It said:

Hey Stacy!  
I hope you’re having a totally radical day! I’m Andrew W.K., the host of the Cartoon Network show: Destroy Build Destroy. I am extremely happy to announce that my show is coming back! Unfortunately, it will no longer be on Cartoon network. We have been moved to Disney XD because the rights to the show have been purchased by Disney. But it’s all good! We’re still the same show, still the same old DESTROY!! BUILD!!! DESTROY!!!!!! This brings me to my second point. I would like you, Stacy, to be a part of this new era of Destroy Build Destroy. Now that I’ve devoting time to other things, like my music and music production career, I need a lot more help on the show and around the office to really keep things going like the old days. We’ve purchased a 40-acre lot for our show, located at 40 Allred Rd, in Mariposa California. Now, I know California seems far for you, but I’ve already floated the idea by your agent, and she seems to like it. This could be a great opportunity for you, Stacy! You’d be in the heart of the entertainment industry! I totally understand if you don’t feel like going through with this, but I would be more than elated to have you on the show! No matter what your decision may be, I need to hear back from you by the eighteenth of this week, which is Friday. Thanks for your time!!  
Righteous Wishes,  
Andrew W.K.

Reading this, I didn’t know what to think. Was this real? Was I being fucked with? I genuinely couldn’t tell if this was the real Andrew W.K. or not, so I retreated back to the comfort of my chair, attempting to take in the situation. I shot Andrew back an email to confirm it was really him. The deadline was three days away, so I had time to respond. Stumbling out of my chair, I meandered to my terrace to get some fresh air. It might have been night in the city that never sleeps, but the air was still humming with activity, lights shining with life in almost every direction. Living in the city always gave me a warm feeling. I suppose I felt at home in the city. My thoughts eventually drifted back to the email, the sense of safety that the city gave me becoming replaced by a strange uncertainty. I only vaguely remembered Destroy Build Destroy from my childhood, as it was a show I never fully grew up on. I think I was in sixth grade or something close to that by the time I started watching it. Even then, I never really watched it. It was always either background noise to drown out the sounds of life rushing by or a way to pass the time without succumbing to unfathomable boredom. The part of the show I will always remember is the part at the end where they destroy one of the cars. Living up to the name of the show, two opposing teams would have to destroy pre-existing vehicles in order to build a new vehicle of their own that the team would have to use for a competition of some kind. It would end in an explosive destruction of one of the vehicles, that of the losing team. This part always stood out to me. To this day, I’m not sure why. Maybe it was cathartic. Or maybe, in some sick, sadistic fashion, I found it amusing to watch someone else’s hard work get incinerated in a beautiful ball of fire.  


The air grew cold as time went on, so I traipsed back into the house. Mentally exhausted, I clambered onto the couch, my left arm hanging on my side off the sofa. A yawn left my mouth, my eyes growing heavy. I wanted to sleep, but a swarm of thoughts still buzzed around my mind. Why me? What made me so special that Andrew would want me for his show. I did have an acting career, but it was relatively uneventful. I only appeared in a couple one-off episodes of T.V. shows and commercials, but my agent always seemed to think I had more talent than I did, always sending me out on auditions I had little faith in. I guess some of my failures in the acting field could be chocked up to my own self-esteem issues and the little faith I had in myself. But still, why me? I didn’t see myself as having much charisma to be a host and there’s no way he could have observed my minuscule office-working capabilities from my work, so, again, why me? Why was I so special? Was there some kind of ulterior motive? There was no way to tell, at least at the moment. My eyes began to close and my thoughts began to disperse, falling into a deep sleep.


	2. Decisions, decisions...

The next morning, I woke up in a cold sweat, much earlier than any sane person would. I wiped the beads of perspiration from my forehead, taking deep breaths to attempt to calm myself down just a little bit. My sleep was often plagued by sudden awakenings such as this. At first, my insomnia was an extremely scary experience. However, as time went on, I got more and more accustomed to it. There were times where I actively attempted to lessen it, and because my insomnia wasn’t that bad, it generally worked. More often then not, if I went to bed stressing out about something, I would have another instance of insomnia. It wasn’t something I liked, but it was something I had to deal with. Sometimes, it would get so bad that it would interfere with my acting career. My agent would tell me that I suddenly have an audition the next day and I would completely stress over it, getting little to no sleep that night. More often then not, this would put holes in my audition, as I could flub lines, forget character choices, do anything wrong. Sometimes it was simply the thought of messing up that stressed me out. I mean, hell, I always felt so incapable going out on something that was really important. No matter how many times my agent told me that this was the “perfect role for me,” I never believed her. It was always hard to, given how many times I failed.

Quickly, my thoughts swerved back to the email. I moved over to my kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee. I didn’t even like coffee. I don’t even know why I drank it almost every day. Maybe it was a social norm to have a complete and utter dependency on coffee. Nonetheless, I took my cup of bean-juice over to my computer and set it down. I plopped down in my chair, rubbed my eyes, and opened up my laptop. My right hand picked the cup back up and lifted it to my mouth while my left hand daintily skated across the trackpad, opening my email. As I had hoped, there was another email from the person who seemed to be Andrew. The contents of it were unremarkable, but it managed to dispel my beliefs due to its sheer sincerity. So, I now knew that I was being offered a job, in California no less, but I didn’t know why. It still boggled my mind that someone would offer me a job of this magnitude without any prompting or interaction with me directly. I took another sip from my coffee, hoping that the steaming liquid would scald away the unease in my stomach, to no avail. Decisions were never my strong suit. After every life-changing decision I made, I always felt like I made the wrong one. The first few weeks of middle school after I chose to go to a public middle school rather than continuing going to private school were hell because of how I felt like I didn’t fit in due to my different background. However, I would eventually overcome that, as I began to make more and more friends that were each exceedingly nice to me. But this decision, this one was different. It felt heavier, like either choice would have huge repercussions on the rest of my life as a whole.

With my coffee in hand, I managed to lift myself from my chair and move over to the sofa, placing the coffee on the table in front of me as I lowered myself to sit. I let go of the coffee and grabbed the remote with the same hand. My thumb lingered on the power button for about two seconds before pressing it, causing the television that sat a couple feet in front of me to spring to life. Colors contorted and shifted, collecting in an image of the ocean, a nature documentary. Nature documentaries were always interesting to me particularly those relating to the sea.I always wondered how life could be so different in the ocean, it was like a separate entire world was located in the sea. Sipping my coffee, I bounced my eyes around the screen as the camera cut from wide panning shot to wide panning shot, desperately wishing to get my mind off the email, again, to no avail. I reached for the remote and turned the TV off. My head dropped into my hands as the thoughts continued to swim around in my mind. I always assumed the worst about any situation, even if it seemed to be an entirely positive one. I would always find a way to contort something that was seemingly innocuous into something far, far worse. It was the reason why I hesitated on so many opportunities, including this one. But what if this one was different? What if this one was really the thing that could make my career? I was worried, but this still felt different, it felt better than waiting around and stressing over an audition. It felt good to be wanted. It felt good to be exclusive.

Nonetheless, I still had to talk to my agent. I had to make sure that taking this job was okay. After all, it was in California, all the way across the country. I had to make sure that this was okay, I had to— Ah fuck it. I quickly shot Andrew an email, asking him where I should land. I smiled and went to pack my things.


End file.
